Wednesday, April 04, 2007
4:46 PM
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This is the 100th post in my blog since I started in Dec 2005.
I've been stuck at home for days.. I feel so suffocated mentally & physically. I didnt realised the dist between me & Gerald till now. Waiting for him to call... to call me tonite. And, tell me what's the decision. Wat's happening to us & what will happen to us. This is so difficult. It's like break up.. but worst. Coz it gives me tt bit of hope... tt mayb things wont turn bad after all.
I duno how much I wan this rship. It's getting so hard.. so so hard. It's like.. how much things we've been thru tgt over the last yr. Fr knowing him, to the bad memories of the past which came haunting back, to the departure of me to Perth, to him coming to look for me, to the dist we had last yr, to issues abt my parents..... to the amt of tears we lost so much to get tgt. Now more tears comes fr me for the fear of losing him.
3 More yrs here.. I know it's hard. Not juz for him, for me too. I know I cant expect him to wait. I'm confused. I feel like endin it all.. Cry till my hearts out.. And all will be over. But do I even wan to get to tt stage??
So what if i cry now.. so wad if i get so upset tt I refuse to do anything. He's there. I'm here. A Fact tt cant b changed... No matter how lonely he is there, I cant b there beside him. No matter how emotional I get without him, He cant b here to cuddle & comfort me.
Baby... U have stopped coming to my blog, I know. I wont ask u to. Since the blog started, almost every post contains smth abt U. Even the "nearly" break up posts were up since long ago. What if tonite, we decide to leave each other's life? I wanna tell U how glad I was during the time we were tgt. I dunwan to end this rship badly. I wan a calm & cool breakup. I wan to see u again.
You make my life perfect... Yes, U do.
you make my life perfect-`