Saturday, May 06, 2006
9:44 AM
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Have been really lazy to blog. Sch was alil busier too. Coz i slacked the whole easter hols. I wan to study hard.. concentrate all on my studies. But can I really do tt....??
Was in a quarrel with Julian last nite. Me & Shir were tokin abt the past. It reminded me of some things. Julian. He made me do things tt I regret. And it affects now. Wont mention all... But 1 of it tt stills affects me is.. I told my Mum abt him. He wanted my Mum to noe.. to make things better for us. I was never serious when we 1st started. But his sincerities made me wan to get serious. I told my Mum.. den he started treating me bad alrdy. My gosh.. How i regretted.
It affects now as in.. coz it seems like so easy tt I get into 1 & so easy tt I break. It was like I wasnt serious abt my rship. But I am.. always am(of coz except Julian case). I just think & think.. gt so pissed. I scolded him & say many many things. He even asked if I'm drunk. Hahz. I've nv gt drunk b4.. will nt let myself get to tt stage.
Ok.. yah.. The point is.. I wan to let my Mum noe abt Gerald. I love him alot. But things to b well between us. Hope tt we can last long. For as long as I've known so far, we both thinks alike & wan tt to happen. I noe ppl r practical. In any sense. Every1 tells me "he's juz a young boy.. dun expect too much fr him." I know tt make sense.. to any of my frens(if they ever get into a Jie-Di lian), I may even b the 1 sayin tt. It's just like how ppl used to criticise Faye Wong & Nicholas Tse. But mine of coz much lesser age difference & lesser ppl objecting to it? Mayb. My Parents will object too. Whose parents wont wan their daughter to have a comparable age (guys older, gers younger theory), education and higher level of maturity( able to take care of their ger) from their Girl's partner.
I cant b 100% sure abt me & Gerald's rship. There's love.. But things can change.. like how my other rships ended. I so much wan to tell my Mum abt him.. but wad if smth happens? I'm scared.. I dunwan my parents to think I'm so simple towards my rships.
I've been feeling insecure. A call at 2am can make me think. Him staying at a fren hse due to 21st bday.. Tt fren I've nv heard b4. Doesnt this makes me suspect? He gt angry with me for tt. "If u dun trust me, forget it." He hung up. Is this the 3rd time it happens like tt alrdy? The quarrels aint tt bad.. But he always comes out with tt "break-up" stunt. Den.. things will happen like this: He says "Sorry... I dun mean tt" or "I dunwan to break". Of coz I'd rather hear him say tt than saying "Yes! I wan to break." But each time a quarrel happens, I get really affected.
We r fine again. As in.. a call.. talk properly.. No more breaks. But who can b sure tt wont happen again. I told him "If u ever wans to break with me, dun do it now, dun do it b4 my exams.. Not till 23rd june." I get affected alot in rships.. Now being here, I cant afford to b distracted in anything.
从你眼睛看见自己 最辛副的倒影
握在手心的默契 是明天的指引
無論是遠近 什麼世紀
在天堂擁抱 或荒野流離
偶尔我真得不懂你 又有谁真懂自己
往往兩個人多親密 是透過傷害來證明
像焦慮不安我就任性 怕泄漏你怕 所以你生氣
我愛你我敢去 未知的任何命運
哪裡都一起去
一起仰望星星 一起走出森林 一起品嘗回憶 一起吴会妒忌
一起雨过天晴 一起更懂自己 一起找到意义
我愛你 我不要沒有你
This blog cant have Chinese..
cong ni yan zong can jian zi ji (from ur eyes, I saw myself)
jui xin fu de dao ying (in the most fortunate shadow)
ou er wo bu dong ni (sometimes I dun understd U)
you you shui zhen dong ji zi (but who really does understds themselves)
wo ai ni.. wo kan qu wei zhi de ren he ming yun (I love U.. tt's y I dare to move on to an unknown future)
na li duo yi qi qu (Everywhere we go, we go together)
yi qi ying wang xin xin (watch the stars together)
yi qi ping chang hui yi (together we rem the past)
yi qi wu hui du ji (our misunderstds and the jealousy)
yi qi yu guo tian qing (together we get over the bad times)
yi qi gen dong ji zi (together we know ourselves better)
yi qi zhao dao yi yi (together we find the Meaning of Life)
Wo ai ni (I love U)
Wo bu yao mei you Ni (I dunwan to be without U)
you make my life perfect-`